When we are in school, we are told to dream, and chase those dreams. I don’t ever remember being told that those dreams can get destroyed and changed, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t prepare for it. Not only that, but you are helpless to the change that has charged into your life and sent your dreams flying like a golf ball across the green. If you’re lucky, that golf ball will land somewhere decent. But it may also land in the marsh, mud, woods, sand… places that aren’t inherently bad, just bad in the game you’re playing and for the plans you had. Does that make sense? No? Just me?

Changes that hurt

Sometimes a change happens that you didn’t see coming. It could be a catastrophe, or it could be what everyone else would call a blessing. I think that was the hardest part of my surprise pregnancy to deal with: That I knew I should be happy and feel it was a blessing, but I couldn’t. Please understand my heart, it hurts for mama’s who have lost babies, can’t carry babies, wanted more babies than they were given… But this was blessing was painful for me. And I’m going to try to explain why.

A Story to Compare

Go on a little journey with me… You’re wandering along in your happy little life, and suddenly, someone gives you a beautiful brand new Mustang convertible. There’s just a few catches. One, you have to take it. You don’t have a choice. Two, you have to drive it now. It’s your only vehicle. Three, you can’t trade it in for 18-20 years. (Do you see where I’m going with this?) So, you drive to the store in your brand new car. People oogle it. It is pretty. It’s fun. But, you find out, you can’t fit all of your family’s groceries in it. You kind of wish you were driving your older model mini van again. The convertible is kind of fun though. Your friends ask to come see it. It’s new and exciting. People, all the people, tell you how lucky you are. However, you don’t feel very lucky. You have to take 2 trips to get your kids to school because you can’t fit them all in it. You realize you won’t be driving it to vacation, because it doesn’t fit your family so that’s out of the question. You can’t pull your camper with it. Family trips are done.

Yep, suddenly, this giant blessing that everyone tells you to be grateful for… This blessing that you didn’t ask for… It’s also a burden. It also makes life harder. New tires, expensive. General up keep like pads and rotors, expensive. At least more than what you used to pay for your mini van. Then whoops — you hit something with it. Now it’s a huge expense to get it fixed. But still… everyone tells you you’re so lucky… You get more and more irritated every time someone says it. It’s not that it’s a bad car. It’s not the car’s fault at all. You like the car. It’s just that this car makes everything so much more difficult. It’s expensive. It wasn’t in the plans, and has ruined plans.

So Where Do You (I) Go From Here?

I don’t know where to go, just that I have to keep going. Mostly I wrote this post to help people understand that sometimes, what you see as a blessing, doesn’t feel like a blessing to another person. Let’s be gentle with one another. If a mom says, “I don’t feel good about this thing that you’re telling me is good,” offer to babysit. Offer to take her to coffee. Offer to send her on date night. Pay for some groceries. Give her a gift card. Be helpful.